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Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN)
for 6 a.m.

While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was percolating, he shaved with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG).

He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day,  Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)

poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job
in.....AMERICA.....

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "STOP! ACTS 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracts. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"SCRIPTURE?!" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!"

 

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports
required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"


YOU MIGHT BE FROM NEW MEXICO IF

You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and  Pojoaque.

Your next door neighbor has a sweat lodge in her backyard.

You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping.

You expect to pay more if your
house is made of mud.

You can order your Big Mac with green chile.
You buy salsa by the half-gallon.

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.

Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags".

Most restaurants you go to begin
with "El" or "Los".

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.

You price shop for tortillas.

You have an extra freezer just for green Chile.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion. *(cyn)

You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Santa Fe.

You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.

You think Sadie's was better when it was in the bowling alley.

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.

Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.

You have been on TV more than three times telling about your alien abduction.

You can actually hear the Taos hum.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.

You think Las Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.

You iron your jeans to "dress up".

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature the other in the state pen.

You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3am because you were hungry.

You think the Lobos fight song is
"Louie, Louie".

You know whether you want "red or green."

You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.

You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.

You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart.