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CAT PAUSE |
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Cat's motto: No matter
what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it
--Unknown--
Both humans and cats have identical regions in the brain responsible for
emotion.
Cats must have fat in their diet, because they can't produce it on their
own. Never feed your cat dog food, because cats need five times more
protein than dogs do.
A frightened cat can run at speeds of up to 31 mph, slightly faster than
a human sprinter.
A cat's heart beats at 110
to 140 beats per minute, twice as fast as a human heart
To drink, a cat laps liquid from the underside of its tongue, rather
than the top.
The domestic cat is the only cat species able to hold its tail
vertically while walking. All wild cats hold their tails
horizontally or tucked between their legs while walking. A tail held
high means happiness; a twitching tail is a warning sign; and a tucked
tail is a sign of insecurity.
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To err is human, to purr is feline." --Robert Byrne--
In ancient Egypt, mummies were made of cats, and embalmed mice were placed with them in their tombs.
In one ancient city, over 300,000 cat mummies were found.
Cats in Japan were required to be kept on leashes until 1602; a law was then passed to set the cats free to kill
the rats which were hurting the silkworms.
Cats were associated with evil, witchcraft, voodoo, and black magic during the Middle Ages. Leaders of the
Christian church began a campaign against cats. They were slaughtered in masses in just about all of Europe,
which led to the near extinction of cats in Europe by 1400.
When Persia attacked the Egyptian city of Pelusium, the Persian king was aware of the Egyptians' devotion and
loyalty to the cat and he devised a plan: her ordered his
soldiers to search the city and take any cat they found. During the next attack, his soldiers each held up a live
cat as they came near the Egyptian borders. Rather than harm the cats, the Egyptians surrendered their city to Persia. |
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DOG LETTERS TO GOD |
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Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their
priorities?
Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God, When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging
my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?
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"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that
basically dogs think humans are nuts." -- John Steinbeck--
Dwight Eisenhower banished his dog Heidi to a farm when she kept "piddling" on the carpet in the White House
Reception Room.
James Garfield named his dog "Veto" to warn Congress not to pass legislation he didn't like.
Jimmy Carter's dog spoiled a photo-op for Heartworm Awareness Week by tearing off her muzzle and growling
while resisting a blood test.
Calvin Coolidge dressed his dogs in bonnets and ribbons for the White House Easter Egg Hunt.
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New Dog Cross Breeds
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The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier,
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
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One Late Evening, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
Tiptoeing through the living room he suddenly froze when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage
was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Moses," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Moses?"
The parrot said, "Same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
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Ode to the Spell Checker!
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea every wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
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