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*grin*
I received
two versions of the same thing.
cute! |
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Preacher Meets Bear
One
day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When
in the woods he came upon a bear.
He
started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped
over a tree root.
At
this moment he was almost face to face with the bear.
He
dropped to his knees and said, "Dear Lord, if there is one wish I
would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a
Christian."
And
at that instant the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and
said, "Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!" |
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Atheist
Meets Bear
An
atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution
had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What
beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As
he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to
charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He
looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him.
Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes.
He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in
his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to
the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right
over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to
strike him.
"OH MY GOD! ..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving ...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all
around,
"You Deny My Existence For All These Years, Teach Others That I Don't
Exist; And Even Credit Creation To Some Cosmic Accident. Do You Expect Me
To Help You Out Of This Predicament? Am I To Count You As A
Believer???" Difficult
as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It
would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but
perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very
Well." said The Voice. The
light went out
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
.... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together,
bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which
I am about to receive."
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"A four year old
was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears
with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in
here?"
The little girl stayed
silent.
Next, the doctor took a
tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you
think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl
was silent.
Then the doctor put a
stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked,
"Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the
little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my
underpants."
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It was Little Johnny's first visit to the country, and
feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first
glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard.
Rushing indoors excitedly, Little Johnny sought his
grandmother. "Oh, Granny, look!" he exclaimed, "one of the
chickens is in bloom!"
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Bouncing out of her first day in nursery school at Mount
Moriah Presbyterian Church in Port Henry, New York, a three-year-old girl
gleefully informed her mother:
"We had juice and Billy Graham
crackers!"
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Signs
of the Times
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Signs that you're living in 2001 (wouldn't this have sounded
unbelievable in 1951?)
1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He
e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but
you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if
it contains Echinacea.
7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so
she can create a screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.
9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom
of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now
sells for half the price you paid.
11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around
to go get it.
12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase
would be a hassle and take planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of
the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line (or a ADSL cable modem) so you can get
phone calls.
20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on
your way back to bed.
23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
24. You're reading this.
25. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else
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If you took
the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to
other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in
our logic.
For example:
Reasons Not To Wash
1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who
make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on
special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who
wash are hypocrites-they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are
so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
6. I used to
wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
7. None of my
friends wash.
8. The
bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I'll start
washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I can't
spare the time
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