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Kute Kids |
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A
boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How
do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why,
God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things
out?"
___________________________
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on
and
on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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~GIGGLES~
My
friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household
chores.
One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read:
"Martha
Stewart doesn't live here."
The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper.
The
note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."
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Riddle
If
a rooster laid an egg directly on the tip of the center of a barn roof
with one end hanging over the west side
and one end hanging over the east side
with a breeze blowing South East at 15 mph,
which side of the barn would the egg roll down, the left or the right?
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Bumper
Stickers 4 Ladies:
WARNING:
I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
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New Barbies
Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set
of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck
chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe
her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
mules.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and
lip line with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is
really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for
BBS and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, cooler
filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
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Ummmm, I want to share this site
with you. It isn't a funny site at all. It is a very nicely
done site that has all kinds of Christian midi's.
http://www.breadsite.org/classic.htm
Why
am I sharing this site on our Just4Fun page? *grin* well, I
was checking out some midis for some pages I am creating and while
listening to
"Leaning
on the Everlasting Arms"
I
fell asleep in my high-backed pneumatic office chair. I slept for a
good hour, peacefully.
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| *grin* ...
Anyone wish they had been born a few centuries earlier? Someone
sent me some information about that time period. I will be sharing
a little at a time. |
LIFE IN
THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY,
by Dr. Beatrice Stiglitz |
Bread was divided
according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the
loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the
"upper
crust". |
.
Dear
Kids,
Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a
bath. It will take about 30 minutes and will involve soap and water.
Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a
half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for. (Which
reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to
see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)
Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't
dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub,
I'd like you to remember a few things, the large slab of wood between us
is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I promise that even though
you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel
and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago, I didn't
mean
it. Honest.
There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day. Later means
at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in
the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let
one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new
way to add gum to your hair.
Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed
bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a
message.
Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that
message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the
laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone-number tattoos.
Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the
sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano
with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs.
I'm choosing not to answer you.
Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom.
He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it this time.
Trust me.
No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I
remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to
Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the
bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think
dry thoughts and wait.
Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to
"water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors
don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.
Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked.
Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my
attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where
people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on
them.
Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.
Emergencies are:
1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies are not:
1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.
One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a
towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka
dots. In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the
water instead of every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's
pretend it was the tub, O.K.? No, I don't want to hear the real story.
Ever.
Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.
(P.S. All Play-Doh experiments are canceled.)
Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try
coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee
table.
I'll be out soon. Maybe.
Love,
Mom
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