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Raging River
One day,
three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging,
violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. |
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The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength
to cross this river." - - - - Poof!
God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across
the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me
the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." - - - - Poof!
God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about
an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the
tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river."
- - - - And poof!
God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then
walked across the bridge.
__________________
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school
asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them
in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the
results:
God is like BAYER ASPIRIN ... He works
miracles.
God is like a FORD ... He's got a better idea.
God is like COKE ... He's the real thing.
God is like HALLMARK CARDS ... He cares enough
to send His very best.
God is like TIDE ... He gets the stains out
that others leave behind.
God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC ... He brings good
things to life.
God is like SEARS ... He has everything.
God is like ALKA-SELTZER ... Try Him, you'll
like Him.
God is like SCOTCH TAPE ... You can't see him,
but you know He's there.
God is like DELTA ... He's ready when you are.
God is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY ... He holds
through all kinds of weather.
God is like DIAL SOAP ... Aren't you glad you
have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
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USING
2 COWS TO EXPLAIN:
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you
covet it.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You
join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage which ultimately
blows up the cows.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was
a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You
are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5 year plan in the
last 3
months. The mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really
have.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing
them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American
corporation goes chapter 11.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
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